The Cremation Option

By: Jessie Flynn
Monday, November 9, 2015

Jesse Flynn, children's writer, life-coach and grief specialist, writes about Cremation as an option. She writes: I applaud having such choices and so do most religions. Nevertheless, as a grief counselor, my one word of caution warns about the importance of observing funeral rituals, such as a wake or viewing, where people can see the body of the person who died and know the reality of the death. In our sanitized world, this may seem unnecessary and even uncomfortable, but these rituals hold great psychological value. Providing friends and family with the opportunity to “pay their respects,” is especially emotionally supportive for those who mourn. Sharing in a memorial service at the funeral home or place of worship feeds the spiritual need we all have to honor the significance of the life of our person who died. Then, after remembering our loved one, acknowledging that person’s life through stories, tears, and laughter … ideally … then, the cremation can take place. 

by Jessie Flynn

When I was a young girl it seemed that when someone died, the family shared familiar rituals of having a viewing or wake and a religious memorial service. Afterwards, that person got buried in a cemetery. Goodness, I even remember creating a graveside service for my pet guinea pig and lovingly burying him in our back yard. Lately however, the word “cremation” has popped up in a variety of news articles, and the traditional funeral customs of so many folks are being reexamined. If you are thinking about your own choices, perhaps the following stories and research tidbits will help you.  
 
First, a few stories: Ten years ago I admired a beautiful pink glass pendant. “What a gorgeous piece of jewelry!” I commented … to which its owner replied, “Oh, thanks! It’s my mother. I always have her with me; she goes wherever I go.” Well, you can imagine my shock, but this bereaved adult daughter was absolutely thrilled about carrying some of her mother’s cremated remains in a necklace. Story number two, in the words of a widower: “I’ve put my wife’s cremated remains in a beautiful, flowered ginger jar in our bedroom. Her favorite baseball hat sits on top of it. A photo of her and a candle complete the setting. It’s really my altar to Helen. I talk to her many times a day and find her presence comforting.” Story number three: “I’ve already instructed my children about my funeral arrangements. They can do anything they want as far as viewings and services, but after all that’s done, I want my cremated remains taken to Barbados and thrown into the turquoise water. That’s where I want to be forever.” Yes, believe it! These are true stories.  
 
More and more people seem to want to control the circumstances and rituals surrounding their death. They and their relatives continue to come up with creative ways to dispose of the cremated remains that remain after cremation. I’ve actually heard of cremated remains being launched into space. The remains of Gene Roddenberry, Star Trek’s creator, rest in a satellite in outer space. Cremated remains have been converted into diamonds that are worn as rings. They’ve been placed in biodegradable balloons to be released into the atmosphere. Artificial reef balls, mixed concrete and cremated remains to create offshore fish habitats off the coast of New Jersey and other coastal states. Cremated remains are scatter in mountain ranges, buried in gardens, placed in wind chimes, or simply put in urns that symbolize favorite hobbies. Golf bag and cowboy boot urns are even available. The possibilities seem endless.  
 
For many conservative thinkers these are novel thoughts. Rest assured, however, choosing to be cremated is a fast-growing phenomenon in our society. According to the Cremation Association of North America, California leads the country in number of cremations with Nevada coming in a close second having 65%. In Ontario, Canada 50% of those who die choose to cremate. And the numbers keep growing.  
 
I applaud having such choices and so do most religions. Nevertheless, as a grief counselor, my one word of caution warns about the importance of observing funeral rituals, such as a wake or viewing, where people can see the body of the person who died and know the reality of the death. In our sanitized world, this may seem unnecessary and even uncomfortable, but these rituals hold great psychological value. Providing friends and family with the opportunity to “pay their respects,” is especially emotionally supportive for those who mourn. Sharing in a memorial service at the funeral home or place of worship feeds the spiritual need we all have to honor the significance of the life of our person who died. Then, after remembering our loved one, acknowledging that person’s life through stories, tears, and laughter … ideally … then, the cremation can take place. 

The point I make here is that traditional funerals and cremation are not mutually exclusive. Our challenge presents itself in “not throwing out the baby with the bath water,” as they say. Indeed, healthy grieving encompasses both traditional rituals as well as cremation, which continue to gain increasing social acceptance.  
 
Death is such a big deal! Those of us who have experienced loss know it as a momentous life event. That’s why it is crucial not to trivialize death or minimize its impact. Fortunately, the healthy way to mourn the death of someone we love includes many options. For that, we can be grateful. In truth, the important issue here is choosing a funeral that will provide the most meaning and comfort to the person who died and those who mourn. Do consider that as you weigh your options. 

PRINT ARTICLE

Leave a comment
Name*:
Email:
Comment*:
Please enter the numbers and letters you see in the image. Note that the case of the letters entered matters.

Comments

Please wait

Previous Posts

Are You Missing How Things Used to Be?

Ann Leach shares ideas about how we can give thanks and look forward. Acknowledging the gifts your loved one's loss left you is part of the healing process. And you can take comfort in knowing that...

How to Help When Someone is Dying

Sherry Williams White, nurse, writer and grief specialist, shares practical information for helping a person who is dying. She writes: When someone you know is dying, it is natural to feel confused...

How to Select a Quality Nursing Home

Many of us in todays world are having to make some tough decisions with regard to caring for our parents.  In fact, we are known as the sandwich generation.  Many of us are still caring f...

Keeping Your Home After Someone Has Died

Tony Falzano, writer, songwriter and grief specialist, shares information that will help work through some red tape so you can save you house. He writes: Every day, across the country, delinqu...

Living Trusts Take the Pressure Off of Families

Dale Rollings is a financial planner, he works with individuals after the death of a loved one to help them determine how best to protect their estate. He provides options for investing and managin...

Making Life a Little Easier

These practical suggestions will help anyone living alone. They are meant to help older adults take care of themselves, prevent accidents and make life easier and more pleasant. Written by Sus...

Out with the Old and in with the New

Ann Leach, writer, Life Coach and grief specialist, shares practical information to help you deal with releasing something of your loved one's that has been dear to you. It is never easy to let go ...

Tending to Business Details After a Loss

Are you grieving the loss of a person you love? If so, one thing you definitely do not need is a bunch of business changes to accomplish. Virtually every widow and widower tell me how exhausted emo...