Hush, My House

By: Kathy Teipen
Monday, November 9, 2015

Kathy Teipen, writer, hospice and grief specialist shares ideas for finding the quiet that lies within all of us and how that quiet can be just the time for reflection and growth as we move through our grief.  Sometrimes we need the quiet to calm our spirit and find our way.

by Kathy Teipen

How does one hush one’s house?

I’ve never been much of a poetry reader, but when my mother died five autumns ago, I kept several of her favorite books of poems. Among them I found Jessica Powers’ piece, The House of Rest, in which she asks the question that consumes me still today: How does one hush one’s house?

It seems to me that we need to hush our houses if we are to negotiate safely through the gray days of winter, especially if those days are filled with grief. Whether you are the grieving person, the caregiver to the bereaved, or a friend trying to respond to the person in grief, you can use the quiet.

And it seems that nature agrees, doing what she can to help us hush our hemisphere. There are shorter days and less light to encourage us to stay in and do less. There is a natural instinct to hibernate – to hunker in and rest a while – in areas of snow and cold. And there is cold weather simply slowing us down by making us take the time to add layers of clothing before we venture out.

But why hush our houses at this festive, busy time of year? Many have already started shopping and planning parties. Why would we want to be hushing when this is the time of glitter and song and visits to the mall?

Very simply, because we need the quiet.

Because we need to listen.

Because we need the time alone.

In the hush, those of us who are grieving can remember, can acknowledge our feelings, and can identify again who we are in a world that is moving on, minus someone we love. We who are caregivers can nourish and replenish ourselves so we may be fully present when we are caring for others. And we who are friends can reflect on how we can be there for the griever without expecting ourselves to make it all okay.

Surprisingly, we can find opportunities to hush ourselves in the middle of our busyness. For instance, the traffic lights most of us find so frustrating can serve as a subtle reminder to take the few moments spent at an intersection to slow down and quiet ourselves. So can a long line at the store.

Still, this hushing business can be hard work. Silence fits into our lives with some effort. Many people will encourage us to keep busy, to try to forget, to not talk about our loss, to fill every minute with work and life’s minutiae. Then there is the clutter of our lives, the clutter of balancing our responsibilities, and the fear that if we are quiet, we will come face-to-face with our pain. But it is necessary to feel – even though it hurts so much – to be healed. Indeed the silence, the hushing can lead us to that healing.

Perhaps we fear that if we clear away the obstacles to hushing our houses, we might hear that insistent voice that asks us to change. We might feel the pull of faith which we may have tried to ignore in our pain. We might have to accept our need for a willing person trying to come into our lives just now. We might have to accept our heart’s yearning for some consistent solitude. If we hush our houses, we might see that this awful loss does have a purpose.

If I hush my house, I may see and hear that invincible spirit within me. I may feel the pull to reorder my life in response to my loss. I may know that this is indeed a powerful call to reshape myself, to embrace the challenges, and to find the fulfillment I may be offered despite all this pain.

PRINT ARTICLE

Leave a comment
Name*:
Email:
Comment*:
Please enter the numbers and letters you see in the image. Note that the case of the letters entered matters.

Comments

Please wait

Previous Posts

Coping As A Family

Communication is the key for a family coping with grief. It is important to be together to talk, cry or even sit in silence. At the same time, there should be respect for each member's way of handl...

Music: Helping to Heal Those that Grieve

Tony Falzano, writer, composer and grief specialists writes: Emotions will rise when you listen to music. What usually follows is crying, even sobbing. This is okay and it should be welcomed. ...

Magnolias

Sometimes in our grief, the sources of comfort come from the most unsuspected places. This is an absolutely beautiful story of love, a wedding, and how a wedding fiasco provided just the healing ne...

No Room in the Canoe

Eloise Cole, Grief Specialist and speaker, writes: Many people live with the illusion of being in control of life, wanting to believe that they are in charge of their choices and their destiny...

On the Journey to Healing: Embracing the Ten Essential Touchstones

Alan Wolfelt, PhD, writer, counselor, funeral director and Grief Specialist, provides ten touchstones for your grief that will help you listen to your heart and bring it into harmony with your...

One Humid Night

Andy Landis, writer, song-writer and singer, shares her story about walking through a storm and really taking time to reflect on her feelings - she writes: "So I did. For three hours, I watched and...

Pathways to Peace

Richard Santore, author and editor, shares 10 suggestions or guideposts to help you find your way to hope, freedom and healing.  His coping strategies will give you peace of mind as you move t...

Role Model: How One Woman Lives Out the Role She Was Cast In

Rachael Zients, grieving child, mother, writer and grief specialist, shares the story about her Father's death and the book that her mother wrote about her after the death of her dad. Rachael share...

Single Again but Still a Parent

Being a single parent is not an easy job. It is even more difficult when your loved one has died and you are trying to deal with your own pain and grief as well as helping your children deal with t...

Survivors Include . . .

Louanne Stanton writes, "I was once told that grief is like an overwhelming wave that washes you from your familiar shore. This powerful and all-consuming force tumbles you in a suffocating en...